Mockingbirds Always Sing
by BlueIV
Summary: Shizuru has fallen into a coma after giving childbirth and Natsuki falls into dispair. The first chapter only scratches the surface of a deep ordeal that could eventually change everything. Shiznat.
1. Face to Face with the Sky

_Mockingbirds Always Sing_

_Created and Written by:_

_BlueIV_

_Chapter 1_

_Face to Face with the Sky_

* * *

_Time and again, however well we know the landscape of love,  
and the little church-yard with lamenting names,  
and the frightfully silent ravine wherein all the others  
end: time and again we go out two together,  
under the old trees, lie down again and again  
between the flowers, face to face with the sky._

--Rainer Maria Rilke

* * *

After a few minutes a nurse appears, holding the door open in wordless invitation. I enter the room reluctantly, knowing that these four walls contain inside it my worse nightmare. There are no windows. There is a clock on one wall, but otherwise, bare. The floor is linoleum, olive green and white, and pushed against the far wall is a gurney currently being used as a make-shift bed.

I see her. She doesn't look like she had just a few moments ago; before we entered the hospital. Yet she couldn't be anyone else. She is deathly still. I want to go to her, to grab her into a tight embrace, but my feet don't respond. Finally they listen and they drag, as though weighted down, toward the limp figure. She is so pretty and meticulous, even though the buzzing fluorescent fixture above casts its harsh light.

I turn as sobs and tears explode from my being. I'm shaking to my very core as I wrap my arms around my chest as a feeble attempt to keep my heart from shattering into pieces. I cry until there's nothing left. Despite this, I remain doubled over and heaving until I wonder if it's possible to turn inside out.

'_Shizuru_…'

* * *

The faceless nurses lead me somewhere and plant me in a chair. A nurse in a starched white uniform brings coffee, which sits on the table next to me untouched and growing cold. I'm faintly aware that they're asking questions but I can't decipher them properly so I remain—like my beloved wife—silent.

Then a thought enters unconditionally and I jerk my head upward suddenly.

My voice is harsh and husky as I ask, "Did the babies make it?"

Another blurry face stutters in confusion before exclaiming, "Y-yes, Mrs. Kuga. That was what we were trying to tell you. Your children are healthy and ready for you to see them." She pauses for a moment then adds, almost as an afterthought, "Afterwards, the doctor will come to see you to discuss about your wife's situation."

I just nod bluntly, a little relieved, and allow them to lead me toward my twin daughters. I had caught just a glimpse of them before the machines that crowded around Shizuru's bed started to scream wildly and doctors and nurses entered among the fray. Their frantic movements and sharp orders alerting me that something had gone terribly wrong.

I halted that train of thought and found myself in a room full of wailing newborns being boxed in by clear walls of plastic. Then I heard a distinct cry. Even before the nurse could point out which of the infants belonged to me, I knew by instinct that the two small figures located in the corner of the room were mine and Shizuru's. I hurried toward them and fresh tears sprang anew as my eyes took in the sight before me.

Even though they were twins, they were completely different. The one on the left had a shock of raven hair atop a heart-shaped face and crimson eyes that bore into my own. The other that lay directly beside the first was the owner of emerald eyes similar to mine and tawny hair; a shade darker than Shizuru's. They were a beautiful pair that was solely crafted by Shizuru and me.

I nimbly reached out toward my daughters; slightly afraid that they were so fragile that they could possibly break under my touch. I paused as a dainty fist rose and curled around my index finger. A bubbly laugh rose from the petite figure as my captured limb was lowered near rosy cheeks and quizzical eyes.

A small smile graced my lips as I leaned my body closer to them and more tiny fingers touched my chin tentively. Two pairs of large eyes widened in merriment and more cheerful babble erupted from their soft lips.

_Kanade and Yukino_

Shizuru always liked those names…

* * *

I was told that the doctor needed to speak with me so I reluctantly left little Kanade and Yukino to search for some answers. It didn't take long for me to be seated in a tiny office, across from a man with graying hair, tired eyes, and a trademark lab coat.

"Mrs. Kuga we have some unfortunate news," Dr. Kamei stopped briefly, taking in my reaction before he started to speak once again. "It is very rare that a pregnant woman falls into a coma shortly after childbirth. I'm sorry to inform you that considering your wife's situation, I'd say that there's an eighty percent chance that your wife will not recover from her present state and that's if she gets the best medical care. If not, that percentage rises even more."

"Be honest with me, do you think she'll make it?" I asked, my voice broke unintentionally.

"As long as she gets the best medical attention possible. Other than that, I can not say. But she's not completely gone. She's still alive as long as there's a machine giving her oxygen," he stated calmly as he rubbed his temples.

I gave a weak nod to let him know that I had acknowledged him and excused myself from the room.

For a split second I once again had a completed family. Until the Gods saw it wise to once again take something precious from me.

'_Shizuru…please…wake up_. _Don't leave me alone anymore…please, I need you_.'

**I'm gonna go ahead and warn you; this story is pretty deep. The first chapter only scratches the surface. So, if you're gonna go all emo on me when you read this, please don't whine about it in reviews. Save us all the trouble and keep it too yourselves.  
**

**--BlueIV**


	2. Music in its Roar

_

* * *

_

_There is pleasure in the pathless woods;  
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;  
There is a society, where none intrudes,  
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:  
I love not man the less, but Nature more._

--Lord Byron

_

* * *

__Beeeeeeep—Beeeeeep—Beee—_

I awake to the prolonged screeching of the alarm clock. The relentless shrill is suddenly halted as my fist slams down onto the merciless machine. Sometimes I wish the cursed device could break just as easily as my heart did on that faithful day two months ago, but I'll be damned if that clock wasn't built like a rock. Every morning we go through the same routine and that gadget still hasn't broken under my will. And let's not forget the multiple times the thing has been thrown against a wall, crushed under my boot, and even, one time, tossed out the window from our two-story apartment building.

It's become apparent that if anyone ever asked me what's the most unstoppable force in the universe, I would simply reply:

_My alarm clock._

I'm wedged a good deal farther between the wall and a full body pillow than when I first fell asleep. My eyes slowly flutter open and the sight of my beat down-apartment greets me. When Shizuru was still awake, we used to live in a nice house in Kyoto but since the doctors recommended that Shizuru be placed in a nice, expensive hospital I decided to sell the house so that I could pay off a portion of the mounting pile of medical bills that currently lay unopened and scattered on top of the living-room coffee table.

It occurs to me that I am desperately clinging to the body pillow that is complete with one of Shizuru's lavender nightgowns. It's a feeble attempt to trick my mind into believing that my wife is still lying in bed next to me and not in a hospital bed somewhere across town. Lately, the scent of my tawny-haired, crimson-eyed lover has started to dissipate; just like everything else in my life.

Suddenly, my stomach growls and hunger hits me like a cannonball in the gut. I haven't eaten since the day before yesterday, and my stomach twists in acknowledgement. With a grunt, I sit up in bed and swing my legs off the side of the mattress until my feet connect with shaggy carpet. After I rub my tired eyes with the palm of my hand and glance at the silent crib on the far side of the room, I stand with feeble legs and make my way into the closet-sized bathroom. I lean my weight against the sink with one supporting hand while the other turns the knob on the stubborn faucet. Needless to say, I wasn't very surprised when water had ceased to flow. I turn the knob again but all I get in return was a sharp squeak of metal clashing with metal. I heave a sigh and place my line of gaze on the mirror. The person staring back at me is a stranger. Pale skin, lifeless emerald irises, dull tresses, baggy eyes, and hunched shoulders fill my line of vision. I turn away in disgust.

Silently, I make my way to the kitchen; which is connected to the living room. As I pass, I see the still growing mountain of bills that beckon to me, but I ignore them and continue on. After all, Kanade and Yukino would be waking soon and will be expecting food.

As I heated up two bottles of milk, I strained my ears to listen for the small cry that would inevitably come. Then, like clockwork, it sounded. I checked to make sure the milk was warm enough and hurried back into the bedroom. It was funny how Kana and Yuki could sleep through the God-forsaken shrill of the alarm clock but at the first twinge of hunger pangs they were up and waiting.

I leaned over the crib and at the first sight of their mother, the cries stopped abruptly and two pairs of bright, wide eyes gazed up in wonder. Almost simultaneously, plump arms from both newborns rose and tiny hands opened and closed in a silent plea to be picked up. I obliged after I set the two bottles down and lifted the two; one in each arm. Carefully, I settled down into the over-stuffed chair that sat next to the crib and gave each a bottle of milk. As they drank, I recited a story that Shizuru had read to me and her pregnant belly as we laid in bed more than four months ago.

"Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. All, except for Love. Love was the only one who stayed because Love wanted to hold out until the very last moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat so Love asked, 'Richness, can you take me with you?'

Richness answered, 'No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place for you here.'

Love decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel.

'Vanity, please help me!' Love called.

'I can't help you Love. You are all wet and you might damage my boat,' Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love said, 'Sadness, let me go with you.'

'Oh…Love, I am too sad and I need to be by myself right now,' Sadness cried.

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she didn't even hear when Love called to her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder disappeared. Realizing how much was owed to the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder, 'Who was it who helped me?"

'It was time,' Knowledge answered.

'Why did time help me?' Love asked.

Knowledge smiled and said, 'Because only time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is.'"

When my voice faded, crimson and emerald orbs were half closed in bliss and bottles empty.

* * *

I had just dropped Kanade and Yukino off at Mai's, a friend of mine from college who agreed to look after them when I went to work everyday. I never had to worry about my children being placed in the wrong hands since they were with Mai. She was a good motherly figure and Kana and Yuki adored her. But what did worry me was that sympathetic and worried look my busty, red-haired friend had recently started to present to me. I guess I'm not the only one who has noticed the awful state I'm in. But just like the bills, I ignore it.

I took the bus to work, since I also sold my precious Ducati motorcycle. It was a small price to pay compared to losing Shizuru but I could help but reminisce about the days when I could ride and feel the powerful purr of the engine as gears shifted and wheels turned. The bus' brakes squealed their protest as the vehicle droned to a halt; effectively waking me from my day dream. This was my stop.

I paid little attention to my surroundings as my feet, almost automatically, moved in the direction of my workplace. It didn't take long for me to arrive at 'Shiki's Auto-Repair Shop'. I half-heartedly greeted my fellow co-workers. I once again paid no mind to the glances that were sent my way; since they resembled a lot to the look Mai had given me earlier. The only one who didn't give me any sympathy was my boss, the one and only: 'Mr. Shiki.' I never understood why he preferred the American title 'Mr.' instead of the Japanese way.

'Mr.' Shiki was a chubby, bald man with a little tuft of hair growing from his elephant-like ears. Sometimes, it's hard for me to decide which is worse; his appearance or his God-awful attitude. The said man scrutinizes me, shoots an oyster of dark brown tobacco juice out the side of his mouth, and goes back inside his office. I think he was waiting for me to see if I would show up on time since I have a bad streak of arriving late. The last thing I need is for that ugly son of a bitch to find an excuse to fire me. I need this job, and he knows it.

For the rest of the afternoon, I'm fixing up this run down vehicle. The stock car is an ungodly mess but it has character. I've only been working on it for a few hours and I can already see the improvement.

I was just about to start on replacing the engine when my boss's office door swings open and he yells out in a scratchy voice, "Kuga-san, you've got a call."

After I'm finished wiping the grime from my hands, I walk inside the office where Mr. Shiki hands me the phone. I wait for him to leave before I breathe, "Hello?"

"Is this Kuga-san?" A man's voice boomed over the phone.

"Yes, this is she. Who's askin'?" I replied with my own question.

"This is Dr. Sakisuzoro. I'm calling on behalf of your wife. I can not go into any more details over the phone but you need to come to the hospital on an urgent matter."

Fear twisted my insides. "I-is she okay? Is she—"

I was abruptly cut off. "Like I said before Kuga-san, I can not go into the matter over the phone. We just need you to c—"

I slammed the phone down before the doctor could finish. He wasn't giving me any answers anyways.

The office door slammed shut as I ran out the shop. Puzzled expressions regarded me seriously but my quick escape was blocked by a wall of fat; Mr. Shiki. "Where do you think you're goin' Kuga?" He asked, his scratchy voice harsh.

"Mr. Shiki, I'm sorry but I have to go, Sh—"

For the second time that day, I was cut off. "I don't give a rat's ass. You've missed too much work as it is. You," he stated gruffly as he pointed a pudgy finger in my face, "Aren't goin' anywhere. Now get your ass back in the shop and finish fixin' that car!"

I fixed him with a glare as I clenched my fist to the side of my jeans. It wouldn't do any good if my hand went flying into that fat man's face, although, it would be really satisfying to feel the bone of my knuckles connect with those squinty eyes. I drew in a deep breath to calm myself and said, "The hospital called and they said that there's an urgent matter that needs to be tended to. There's no choice in the matter, I have to go."

"If you walk out of here, you're fired!" He stated matter-of-factly. He knew he had me there but he must have really been stupid if he thought I was going to choose work over my Shizuru. So, I fixed him with one last hard look, side-stepped from his chubby body, and ran.

* * *

Currently, I'm seated behind a large oak desk with many picture frames that contain multiple smiling people. Every one of those grinning faces is equivalent to a slap in the face. I rip my eyes away from the insulting sight and listen as the doctor speaks about statistics and the horrible truth my life has simmered down to. Then, like a gun shot, I hear something that makes me grit my teeth.

"I think you should think about your other options. Have you thought about stopping treatment?" The doctor asks; as if it was so simple. But a simple action such as that could utterly and completely destroy my entire existance.


	3. Walk the Universe Alone

* * *

_The Great Way has no gate;  
there are a thousand paths to it.  
If you pass through the barrier,  
you walk the universe alone._

- Wu Men

* * *

Life is a terrible thief. Just when you're starting to get the hang on it, it knocks your legs out from under you and stoops your back. It makes you ache and muddies your head and silently picks away the essence of your life. But there's nothing to be done about it. All I can do is put in time waiting for the inevitable, observing as the ghosts of my past rattle around my vacuous presence. They crash and bang and make themselves at home, mostly because there's no competition. I've stopped fighting them.

They're crashing and banging around in there now.

'Stop treatment,' the doctor said. 'It'll be easier for you. And the hospital is going to cease management of your wife anyways since you haven't been able to pay the fees properly.'

All it took was one strike of my fist across his set features. His perfectly straight nose shifted and cracked under the force.

It felt good.

'Wait!' he calls after me. 'Security! Securi—' The door cuts off his final words.

* * *

I walk until the edge of town and then veer off to follow the train tracks. I walk until my legs hurt and my feet blister. And then I stop because I'm tired and hunry and have no idea where I am. It's as though I've been sleepwalking and suddenly woken to find myself here.

I notice that I've stopped in a park, complete with swings, monkeybars, and a slide; all their metals frames rusted and old. Snatches of sky peek through leaves, a mosaic of blue and green that shifts every-so-often from the gentle, caressing wind. I stare deep into it, allowing my focus to soften and blur the image; looking beyond the leaves and shading branches.

There are faces, but they're without features—these blank ovals with hair. I'm aware of a heavy, wet noise, and realize it's me. I'm gasping for breath.

"Excuse me?" The face nearest to me has a mouth and it's moving. The voice is timid, unsure. "Are you okay?"

I blink, unable to focus. A second later I stride away; following the trail back from where I came.

* * *

When I first submerge my feet in the cool water, they hurt so badly I yank them out again. I persist, dunking them for longer and longer periods, until the cold finally numbs my blisters. Then I settle my feet at the bottom of the tub.

I sigh, allowing my eyes to close.

'What am I to do? How am I gonna pay the hospital tab? I can't let them take away Shizuru. She's all I have left. Losing her would be like being cleft down the middle. It would be the moment it all ends for me. What do I do? What do I do?'

Silence answers me as I stand in the midst.

"Shizuru…" I whisper in the air; breaking the horrible silence that threatens to swallow me whole.

I drop to the floor as though felled by dynamite. My knees take the full impact as I crumble in on myself but I do not cry. My eyes remain dry, because if I allow a single tear to escape, then I will not be able to stop. I can't afford to wither away and die. I have two daughters who need me, and I'll be damned if I abandon them like my own mother and father had done.

This is becoming too much.

Too much. _Too much…_

Kana and Yuki are once again in my arms. I always show them pictures of their other mother before I put them to bed. The last thing I want is for them to forget about her, and Shizuru shouldn't be forgotten.

I used to consider taking them to her, as she lays in the hospital bed, but I decided against it. I don't want our daughters to see her as she is now; broken and just an ounce of what she used to be.

I flip the page of the dusty, red album and stare at the, all-too-familiar pictures of Shizuru smiling. Always smiling. Never once is there a picture where she is wearing a frown or, even, a passive look when caught off guard. Smiling. It gives me pride that she was happy. Always happy.

Then, there's a particular photo that catches my eye. It's nothing special and I must have seen it a million times before, but it's not the smiling Shizuru my eyes catch sight of first. It's a woman; slightly similar to my beloved wife.

It's her mother; an older, more grim looking version of my Shizuru.

An idea starts to form.

'Of course!' I scream to myself. 'Her mother! She'll help Shizuru. Even though she disowned Shizuru when we told her that we were getting married, I'm sure she wouldn't allow the hospitals to cease the treatment of her only daughter. Why didn't I think of this sooner?'

Hope.

That's what was filling me up so high. It had been a long time since I felt the unfamiliar emotion well up inside of me.

"We're gonna be okay, Shizuru," I spoke in a voice saturated in joy as the carefully built dam burst open, "We're gonna be okay."

* * *

**Hey, it's Blue once again. I'm sorry I've been so bitchy lately. I guess the stress is getting to me. Anyway, I'm now giving everyone permission to whine, rant, curse, or praise my story. Don't worry, I won't bite. Truthfully, I enjoy hearing everyone's opinion. So, go ahead. Say what you will and let's just blame my bitchiness on PMSing and a teenager's Hormones.**

**Damn, those Hormones...**

**--BlueIV**


End file.
